fertility – The Struggling Woman

You’re Not Alone

Yep… You’re not alone… SO I knew that I wasn’t alone fighting the infertility battle… but to open up, to show your emotion, to be raw, and meet someone who does the same is a whole new emotion. I went to my Doctor today and his nurse checks in and confirms why I am in the office. I just lay it out… I lay out my story, my 10 years of no baby, 7 of seriously trying, PCOS, infertility, marriage.. just everything! She looks at me as shes 6 months pregnant with her first baby, and tells me I’m not alone… We teared up together as she explained 6 doctors later and no one could find her left overy or fallopian tube. That she suffered on her own for 3 years trying and finally decided to reach out for help. She got her referral to the clinic at OU for infertility and explained that the place, the doctors, the PA’s, everyone is great and treats you like a family member and not a number. While the cost is high, how much are you willing to pay to have a baby? What point do you draw the line? All of those personal choices. She ended up having the test where they do the dye in your ovaries with a medicine that increases the egg supply and ended up pregnant the week after the dye test.. While she was on vacation… Talk about hope… We talked about her 6 IUI procedures and how IVF was her next option. We talked about the struggle and strain on marriages and partners… We talked about all of those things that it’s hard to face alone. It’s amazing to me to have connected with someone my age and who has faced a similar struggle. To really know you’re not alone is a whole other feeling… And once you realize that, you realize it’s more common of a struggle than you ever thought. SO don’t feel alone… Because you’re not! And you never know who is struggling beside you and, like you, isn’t talking to anyone. Be open, your journey is your own.. Your struggle is unique, yet sometimes similar.. SO what’s your story? What’s your struggle with infertility (you or even your partner)? What’s your successes? I’m here. I am fighting beside you. I’m going through this journey too. Today is day 1 of many, but we’ve got this!

Don’t Blame Yourself

Seriously… I’ve been there, I am there… PCOS has caused me to hate myself, to blame myself, and sometimes I’m sure it caused my husband to blame me…

The truth is… YOU are not to blame… Your BODY has failed you! You’re amazing whether you know it or not! But sometimes our bodies just fail us. It’s NOT your fault. Yes I know it’s hard to understand… hard to process but seriously don’t blame yourself. You can’t control that part of your body, that’s like thinking you can control if you’re born a girl or boy when you’re conceived. It’s taken me years to realize this… and I STILL struggle with it. If you’re a partner, don’t blame your partner for this… as the person effected by PCOS I can tell you that I put enough pressure on myself and my body. I beat myself up regularly because I suffer with PCOS. Not being able to get pregnant at the drop of a hat is enough suffering I put myself in. Watching my friends and family have children of their own, announce their pregnancies, record their gender reveals, post new born pictures… that’s enough pain I subject myself to… I don’t need your pressure, I don’t need you to rub it in, I don’t need you to blame me because he’s, it is my body… but I can’t just snap my fingers and make it happen. That’s the truth. It’s hard enough dealing with it on my own. I’m hard enough on myself! Please understand that this isn’t easy… it’s hard… it’s hard to be in the 10% who struggle, who are different, and yet are sometimes the ones who truly deserve to be a parent. Honestly, have you ever thought about that? Some of the people having kids left and right (like seriously a guy sneezes on her and she’s pregnant!) are the ones who are on welfare, can’t hold a job, and/or don’t contribute to society… but I was taught that the best things are the hardest to get, they’re different from everything else, and they’re worth the wait. While I know it’s hard to hold the faith… it’s hard to keep the positivity alive.. sometimes it’s the best thing you can do. Trust me, I’m writing this and saying it out loud to myself. You’re not alone… I’m in your shoes walking side by side with you… and I completely understand what you’re going through! We have to stay proactive and keep the hope! We got this babes!